America is boring

Welcome to the United States. Now that I've been here for a couple days and have settled in (by this I mean: have taken several showers, washed clothes in a washing machine, and retrained myself to NOT throw toilet paper in the trash can after use) I've come to the conclusion that America is boring. I haven't seen any ass-carts since I've been here. No random drunk men have tried to fight me on the street over the state of our country's foreign policy. I haven't sat on the floor to eat in a week. Maybe it's boring in a good way, but today when someone asked me what the most interesting thing that happened to me yesterday was, I had to respond, "I saw a cute guy on the subway." If this is the most stimulating thing in my daily life then things have really gone downhill. Mostly its my own fault since I am still captivated by the readily available book stores and English television programs. Tomorrow I am determined to go see some stuff. Oh wait! Something interesting DID happen to me today! Not only did I eat at Baja Fresh, but I hypnotized myself. Yes, that's right, I hypnotized myself. Is that too weird? Is it even possible? Well, that sums up things for now. I'll update when I see George W.

So this is our nation's capitol.

I arrived in Washington, DC the day before yesterday. When I stepped off the plane, I almost cried with the wonder and joy of being in America again. Unfortunately, the customs agents didn't share my joy and demanded my passport and tickets when I said, "Can you believe it? It's America!" No one understands. Since I've been here I've gone shopping, had a massage, eaten at a deli, shopped at Safeway, and spoken English to everyone. The English part is a little bit weird. I'm not used to understanding other peoples' conversations in the bathroom and on the subway and, honestly, I find it a little disconcerting. In-country, when people would speak in Russian I always imagined they that were discussing something incredibly interesting. Now I realize that they were probably just saying, "Could you pass me some toilet paper? My stall is out." or "Did you hear about the newest recipe for plov? I can't wait to try it at our sheep slaughtering this weekend." Plus, it is exhausting to process information about other peoples' lives. Of course I always listen in and make mental notes - this one's neurotic, this one's an insomniac, this one's life is driven by work, and so on and so on. They're probably thinking: This one has a bad haircut. I have a lot of free time here and am trying to think of ways to fill it. Its an entirely different problem than the one that confronted me in Kyrgyzstan. There my options were either read a book or watch television in Russian. Oh, or sit in my room for an hour straight mechanically putting chocolates into my mouth (not that it ever happened). Here I can go to a museum, see a movie, get a coffee and read the paper - so many things to do that it makes decision making difficult. Alright, I'm going to go try and sleep again. I woke up, as usual at 5am and was wide-awake. Thank you jet-lag! Bye for now.

Still in Germany

I lied, I'm updating from Germany again because I have HUGE news - I saw a Starbucks!!! It was closed so I couldn't go in, but I saw one. I recognized the green table-tents from afar and my heart started pounding. Just seeing it was enough to convince me that I'm back in the western world. I walked around this morning looking at old buildings and eating German pastries. It is cold here right now. There is a park along the Rhine river and the entire area was covered in chilly fog, but it was nice to walk through anyway. Since last night I have met people from Malta, India, America, and, of course, Germany. Travelling is always so interesting. Alright, back to my hotel to pack up and catch the subway back to the airport. Goodbye, Frankfurt! You were amazing.

Hello from Frankfurt

I want to begin this post by apologizing for any misspellings, particularly `y` where there should be `z` and vice-versa. I'm writing this in Frankfurt, Germany and, for some reason unknown to me, the keyboard is switched-around. First of all, Kyrgzy news: the president fled the country, the opposition party took over the government buildings, the mob looted various stores around the city, and Peace Corps volunteers are consolidated. As far as I know, the only people who have been evacuated are the volunteers from Osh and Jalalabad who are now living in various surrounding villages. My home-town, Bazar-Korgon, has welcomed its fair share of volunteers recently. In response to Ian's post - BK remains peaceful and Kyrgyz-Uzbek relations remain as they ever were. By the way, I know your old host-family and they still speak of you. When militia officers were being beaten to death by an angry mob in Jalalabad City, the people of Bazar-Korgon didn't even know that there was a problem half an hour away from them. Speaking of Bazar-Korgon, it seems far away right now, considering the fact that I just ate at McDonalds, withdrew euros from an ATM, and am about to go drink some German beer. The initial plan for my medevac was to leave last night on Turkish Airlines and stop over in Istanbul; however, foreign carriers cancelled all flights out of Bishkek, so my options were limited to flying from Almaty, or taking Kyrgyz Airways to Germany. Since I don't have a Kazakh visa and the borders were closing down, Kyrgzy Airways was the better option. I should be in DC tomorrow evening. I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed right now by the recent events. First of all, I get whisked away from my village for medical. Then, while in the city, an angry mob takes over the government. I was just sitting down for lunch in a nice cafe (I had even ordered a cappuccino), when a Peace Corps staffer came running in. 'We have to go now!' she said. 'Why,' I asked. 'They're just bringing my coffee.' 'The people are coming!' she said. 'The people are coming!' We ran outside to where the Peace Corps vehicle was waiting and, sure enough, thousands of protestors were marching down the street. While I was sad to leave behind my coffee, I preferred not to be in the path of so many volatile marchers. To make up for this loss, a friend and I decided to go to the Hyatt for lunch. When we came back, stuffed and glowing from our delicious meal, we discovered that the opposition had taken over the White House and that Akaev had fled. I felt like such a tool. I was eating lunch at the Hyatt while other people were witnessing revolution. But anyway, this entire situation is just too weird. In fact, I'm really weirded out that I'm in Germany right now. I mean, honestly, Germany? Just this morning I was stoked to have a luke-warm shower at the hotel. When I asked the woman at the desk here if the rooms have showers, she laughed in my face. Apparently I have some adjusting to do. Alright, sorry this blog is so long. If you have read this far, you are a dedicated type of person. Next update will be from Washington, DC.

Escape!!!

Due to increasing unrest in the city centers (Sadie heard gunshots outside of her house and Scott saw people handing out Molotov Cocktails), Jalalabad City has been evacuated to Bazar-Korgon and Kochkor-Ata. Sean put up four extra volunteers in his apartment and life was easing and the living was free for a day or two. We played frisbee at the stadium, watched movies, and walked around. We also ate pizza. Unfortunately, it is easy to go crazy when you can't leave a village for an unknown amount of time. I was ready to bang my head against the wall, if only to knock myself unconscious and sleep for a couple hours. Myself and three other girls in the Jalalabad Oblast needed to travel to Bishkek for medical reasons, but whenever we would begin to prepare our trip something new would happen. For instance, the opposition would block all traffic from the south to Bishkek. Or, the opposition would pour rocks all over the airport runways so that planes couldn't land or take off. Finally, Doctor Yelena decided to chance the odds and drive down in the Peace Corps Vehicle in order to pick us up. We left Bazar-Korgon yesterday at noon and had no problems driving up, except for when we almost got stuck crossing the mountains, but that is another story. Now I'm in Bishkek, waiting for my appointment with the doctor. I am here indefinitely as all Peace Corps volunteers are now on Stand-Fast, which means they can't leave their sites and have to check in regularly with the office. Stand-Fast is the first step of evacuation, if the situation here leads to that. I've run into some other volunteers who are also stuck in the city. They are unhappy about it, but I say great! A hot shower every day and cheeseburgers at my disposal? I'm stoked to be here. I'll let you know how it turns out.


By the way, if you are using my blog to back up the premise that America is funding the opposition party in Kyrgyzstan, you are a fool. America doesn't even know that Kyrgyzstan exists.

Trapped and Nasty American Rumors

Well, today is our six month anniversary in Kyrgyzstan and, to celebrate, we are trapped in our villages. Thank you Civil Unrest Fest! Thank you Kyrgyz people! You have succeeded in making my life that much more boring and tedious. Things, apparently, are heating up around here. For instance, the mayor of Bazar-Korgon was captured and held hostage by angry protestors, only to be rescued by special task-force militia. Now he is in hiding somewhere, we don't know where (because he is hiding). The same thing happened in a village in Talas. In Osh city, the first reports of injuries were made when protestors took over a government building there. What is this craziness? Though it sounds interesting, things appear to be as quiet as ever in day to day life. Sean, Umut and I, strapped for things to do, ended up watching Six Feet Under on Sean's laptop for FIVE HOURS straight yesterday. I think I developed a bed-sore. We snuck into Jalalabad City today, feeling very anti-establishment and courageous, only to discover that it is alright to travel during the day, only overnight travel is restricted. Well then. Anyway, I am going crazy in my site, which should be obvious by the stress-induced hives that curiously appeared on Thursday night. There is no relief in sight, either, as we have a two week vacation to look forward to and nothing to do. Excellent.


The second half of this entry will be devoted to dispelling nasty rumors that Americans have about themselves. I was inspired to write this on our taxi ride into the city this morning -honestly, guys, Kyrgyz people KNOW about America. The nastiest rumor that Americans have about themselves (and I really hate to be the one to break it to you) is that Alaska is actually a state. It's really on lease from Russia and the sooner we realize this the better. This comes as a relief to me, because I hate people from Alaska. Another nasty rumor we have is that there are fifty states. In truth, there are anywhere from thirty to sixty-five states, depending on who you talk to. I think the numbers change based on the weather and what Arnold Schwarzenneger, who is actually the president, decide. In America, we do not have tall mountains, big rivers, or notably large lakes. We don't have snow, cold weather, or rain because California, Florida, and Texas have taken over the country. We also don't have walnuts. I don't know what it is that you're eating right now, but its not really a walnut and you should probably throw it away. Some dirty capitalist developed that walnut look-alike in an attempt to take over the world and enslave the working classes. The sooner you realize these things, the better. Perhaps you should spread the word to everyone else - we don't want to look stupid in the eyes of the world.


Alright, I've got to go back to my village and stare at the wall for a while. Check out Eurasianet.com for information and updates on the Kyrgyz situation. Don't forget to click on Kyrgyzstan.

My Kyrgyz Haircut

Well, I just had my first hair cut in eight months and, though it was much needed, I have to be honest and say that my hair looks like shit. I look like a blonde Kyrgyz woman. It's not as bad as the euro-mullet haircut that crazy man gave me in Spain, but it's similar to the bowl cut my Mom blessed me with for the first twelve years of my life. I didn't think it was so bad at first, but my Kyrgyz friend Umut saw what the woman had done and asked me, "Oh! Are you okay?" which is when I started realizing that things had gone horribly wrong. I guess this is what I should expect for paying 1.50$ for a haircut. Wondering about the reasons behind a cheap bad haircut is kind of like wondering why a bottle of 40 com vodka gave you such a nasty hang-over. Anything for a dollar is just not worth it. But don't pity me and my bad hair, I put myself into this situation and I will live with its consequences. Bye for now.

Shout-Outs

This blog entry is dedicated to the people I rarely communicate with, but think are awesome. If you feel that you are not one of these people, read no further. If you are bored by the idea of reading about people who are not you (you self-centered asshole), read no further. If you would rather watch reruns of the Real World, read no further. If you can't read at all, stop looking at this, you're wasting your time. Let the shout-outs begin!


1. Kathryn Stickney - You are awesome and I wish I had your e-mail address! Congratulations on seminary - I'm really proud of you. In Kyrgyz, we say 'ak jyrek,' which mean 'pure-hearted.' This makes me think of you.
2. Lamar Brown - Though we have never met in my life, you are my own personal hero. Thank you for the walkie-talkies and all the delicious treats you send to your son, which he then shares with me. You seem cool - I'm sorry that Sean is such a bitch.
3. Reuben Person - If I could, I would drop the Peace Corps and move to New Zealand to hang out and have adventures with you. You better not be sharing the Reuben Tiggle Jiggle with other girls, because I will kill them with my own two hands.
4. Katie Grimes - When will the old hotness and the new hotness be reunited? When?
5. Chris Patnode - Thank you for always commenting on my lame blogs and for sending me delicious chex mix. We ate it in one sitting and it was irresistible.
6. The Makers of Clone - You have remade my life from something lost and floating into something with drive and direction - the need to watch Clone every night at 7pm. My life has a purpose again.
7. The US government and all you taxpayers - Thank you for giving me a job, you suckers.
8. Ayn Rand - Even though you are dead, maybe someone will get you this message: you are amazing! I don't know how right-on the whole Objectivism thing is and sometimes I find you rather heartless, but keep on rocking for all those above-average people out there!


This concludes my shout-outs for today. Stay prepared for the next update - maybe you'll be on it.

Civil Unrest Fest

Salam! After receiving nervous e-mails from my family and reading news quotes talking about protestors rioting and taking over government offices and such, I thought I would say that the news is blowing this movement out of proportion. True, groups of anti-Akaev protestors have taken over the government office in Jalalabad and their supporters have set up yurts of solidarity handing out bread and tea and vodka (of course). True, an armed guard dressed in full riot-gear is surrounding the office to make sure that things stay peaceful and that no one else can enter, but they don't even have guns. True, the volunteers living in Jalalabad city were asked by the Peace Corps to pack their bags and be prepared to evacuate to Osh should violence arise, but nothing has happened and things are as calm as they ever were.
The Civil Unrest Fest began last Friday, the same day that I decided to go to Osh to visit some volunteer friends there. When we arrived in Jalalabad city, there was a crowd chanting, "Down with Akaev! Down with Akaev!" outside of the government offices. As we prepared to catch the taxi out of the city, the crowd was swarming the office gates despite the militia men fighting to keep them out. In Osh, we heard reports of protestors setting up tents in the offices, the government workers had fled, and volunteer evacuation to Osh city might be necessary. "That's conventient," we said. "We're already in Osh." And then we went to the park to play ping-pong and eat ice cream.
I'm interested to see what happens here. The protestors are calling for Akaev's early resignation and a sped-up presidential election. They also want a new parliamentary election to make up for the last one, which was a total farce. What will Akaev do? I seem to recall something he said along the lines of, "Any resistance will be seen as a show of force and proper military action will be taken." I hope he was bluffing, otherwise I might be out a job and back in America before you know it. Either way, even though as a representative of the US government (does that mean I'm just a grossly underpaid ambassador?) I have to walk disinterestedly through crowds of protestors, I secretly feel a little thrill of pride for the Kyrgyz people tying pink ribbons around their arms and yelling 'Dwn with Akaev!' I hope they succeed in creating a better country for themselves. I hope they break out of this post-Soviet lock that seems to be hold Central Asia back. I also hope they come up with a better color than pink for their next revolution.

Holiday (every day?)

Hello again! It's Thursday and, yes, I definitely should be teaching class right now, but the mayor of Bazar-Korgon has declared it School Cleaning Day! This is not a joke, class is actually cancelled so that the students can clean their school as a crucial element of their instruction on how to be good little Soviets. This week I taught school a total of . . . (pause for Ailey thinking) . . . two days! Why only two days, you ask? Because who needs eduation! I flippantly reply. Actually, Wednesday was International Man Day, which is definitely needed here in Central Asia - men just don't get the respect they deserve. So, no school on Wednesday and, because no holiday is complete without a half-day the day before, no school on Tuesday either. Next week is International Woman Day, so there will be no school on Tuesday and, as I have already said, no holiday is complete without a half-day the day before, no school on Monday either. Of course, the post office will be closed for two weeks straight in celebration of International Man Day and International Woman Day. International Man Day doubled as Army Day, so there was a lot of drunk men in the street all week last week. When I pass a drunk man in the street on the way to my 11am class, I never know where to look. If he's walking straight, but slightly lurching, I don't make eye-contact. If he's sober enough to walk, he's sober enough to talk and I hate making conversations with drunks early in the morning. If he's walking, but veering all over the place, I have to watch because, first of all, maybe he will fall over and that is interesting and, second of all, maybe he will walk into me and that is bad. I'm curious, are they still drunk and awake from the night before? If so, that is an impressive feat. Or did they just start drinking really early in the morning? The thought honestly turns my stomach - to be honest, the thought of vodka turns my stomach at any time, day or night, but in the morning when respectable people are eating their bread and tea! I just don't understand. Alright, I'm going to go enjoy the weather. Its around seventy degrees today! This is great, but its only March. What will happen in June, or July, or August? For those of you who were tired of hearing me complain about the cold - prepare yourselves. I'm going to complain a lot about the heat. Honestly, I'm from Seattle. Its sixty degrees year-round there.