The confrontation!

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

"Ailey, I need to talk to you!" The girl from upstairs yelled through my door. When I got up to answer it, she was swaying in the hallway and wreaking of booze.

"I want to know what the hell is the deal with you making all of these noise complaints about us!" she said, obviously looking for a fight.

I had been doing my laundry and packing for my long weekend away. Needless to say, I was a little surprised to be verbally assaulted in the middle of my peaceful domestic chores. I was also surprised because (a) the girl doesn't even live in the apartment above mine, (b) we almost never speak to each other, and (c) she was approaching me while drunk.

I calmly explained myself to her - I work during the week, I get up early, I'm a light sleeper, I NEED to sleep. What I didn't mention was that I couldn't help but wonder who stays up until 5 AM on a week night anyway? And who gets drunk every night? And who, at our age, still thinks that the party outweighs the need for other people to carry on with their lives?

"What do you want, to come home to this quiet sanctuary or something? Because, I mean, sometimes I come home from work and I want to get wasted, but there's no one here and I can't. That's frustrating, but I deal with it. So, I mean, maybe you shouldn't expect to have this quiet sanctuary."

I don't expect a quiet sanctuary. I come home to the bass pounding from upstairs, doors slamming, people yelling, marijuana smoke curling underneath my door. I don't mind as long as I'm not trying to sleep. So, I'm at a loss. Can't we all just get along? Can't they all just shut up?

"Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Son."

Ah, my favorite quote from Animal House . . . I want to direct this to my upstairs neighbors who kept me awake until 5 AM last night and who, regularly, wake me up in the middle of the night with their music, drunken wrestling, and yelling. Who are these characters, you ask? Well, one is 22 and the other is a startling . . . gasp . . . 37. They work for the 37 year old's parents doing construction. I have nothing against construction and I'm not entirely opposed to working for one's parents. I AM opposed to being drunk and stoned EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And I AM opposed to being an adult, but living like an irresponsible teenager. When will these guys grow-up? When will they let me sleep through the night? I grow weary of calling and having doorstep 'talks' the following day. The next time I'm kept awake, I will call the police and I won't feel bad about it. That way, the police can tell them to shut the hell up for once and chastise them by saying, "Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, Son."

Exciting Developments

Despite the fact that Sean's dad told me I looked like a 'gay longshoreman', things are going really well for this soon-no-longer-Seattleite. Next weekend is Memorial Day which should be an extravaganza of awesomeness. My friends and I are renting a jet ski, going to Sasquatch at the Gorge (Death Cab for Cutie and the Decemberists are playing) and hanging out in what I hope is a lot of sunshine. Sadly, Climberchica and Corporate Media Whore will not be in attendance because they fear good times and socializing. We will enjoy ourselves despite their absense.

Also, I got my placement, sort of, in Japan! All I currently know is that I'll be living in the Hyogo Prefecture, which is on Honshu and close to Kobe. There was a huge earthquake in Kobe in 2006 and that's all I know about the area. Perhaps it's time to do some research.

So many exciting developments. So difficult to focus on other things. Like work. Which is where I am right now, typing on my blog. And thinking about Memorial Day and Japan.

How accurate are these translators? I mean, really?

Because this is what my friend Carolin's blog looks like, translated from the German to the English:

Small summary

Since my time in Boston the end leans, I will offer now a small summary to you: - so far ever so much rent for a so beschissenes room did not pay (185$ per week!!) - this was in Boston the cheapest room which I find could - cooked only eimal, with Jacqueline, because I have no kitchen - not 10 Kilos increased, separate approx. 2 Kilos decreased, despite Burger!! - in 3 months approx. 5 cigarettes smoked, perhaps also 7… - was nevertheless only 5 times joggen - 4 times Lobster ate (more would actually have had to be) - 3 time with the Karaoke sang (Ain't NO Mountain high enough, Mrs Robinson and Creep - me thereby probably quite disgraced - 5 nice Americans became acquainted with, whom definitely better all Bush can hate and sing than I - 2 of the Americans will see perhaps next year in Greece - was 2 times in the Atlantic swim - has definitely more vacation made than I has might - were in 5 different Federal States (Massachustes, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont and New York) + Canada - to New York town center will drive tomorrow!!! - in addition, are glad, if I am on Wednesday again at home

I'll stop there, namely because that's as much as the translator would process at one time and I'm too lazy to continue. My favorite quote is, "not 10 Kilos increased, separate approx. 2 Kilos decreased, despite burger!!" I think that this is referring to the fact that she didn't gain any weight, despite all of the burgers. Ironically (correct use of the word?), I gained about twenty pounds when I went to see Carolin in Germany, probably from eating too much Bratwurst.

Why doesn't someone create a grammatically accurate translator? And why doesn't Carolin blog in English?

Communal laundry protocol

Is there a set of rules for using communal laundry rooms? I ask because it seems like everyone has a different idea of what is polite and what is correct. Last night I needed to wash socks (desperately), but when I went to the laundry room, I saw that the girl from upstairs had left her clothes in the washer AND dryer. Rather than throwing her clothes on the floor or on top of the nasty washer, I placed her dry clothes in her laundry hamper on the floor and put her wets in the dryer (but did not dry them). I even hung her puffy jacket to dry! Was this wrong? Did I overstep my boundaries? Because she got PISSED. I could hear her yelling about it from my apartment and was completely at a loss. Something about her jeans . . . I honestly have no idea. But, really, she shouldn't have left her crap in the machines for an hour. Because THAT definitely goes against protocol.

Things that the Filthy Rich have and I don't

After catering a party last night for some Filthy Rich, I realized that there are many things that the Filthy Rich have that I don't. I'm of the mind that they actually want to keep these things secret from the Other People, perhaps to perpetuate the idea of a 'classless' society. My friends, this 'classless' society is a hoax! You read it here first! Please don't be too upset by this revelation, I'm just trying to keep it real. Let the listing begin:

1. Filthy Rich own the entire floor of a high-rise building in downtown Seattle. This entire floor is their home.
2. Filthy Rich have foreign butlers that live with them. The butler's apartment is nicer than your house. It is also nicer than your neighbor's really nice house. It is nicer than that Guy-at-work-with-the-really-nice-house's house. I could go on.
3. Filthy Rich have 360 degree views of the city. Oh yes, the Filthy Rich also have glass walls.
4. Filthy Rich host catered dinners for a friend's birthday. Filthy Rich present this friend with a gift of Chihuly glass.
5. Filthy Rich age beautifully. Because they can.
6. Filthy Rich are patrons of the arts and they have a LOT of it. Their art is worth more than Other People's lives.
7. Filthy Rich have a faux-driftwood horse actually made out of iron. Because it is cute, this iron horse is 'eating' out of a Chihuly trough.
8. Did I say 'entire floor'? I meant to say that the Filthy Rich own two floorS of high-rise buildings in downtown Seattle. My mistake.
9. Filthy Rich have things that Other People have never seen before - like doors that look like wooden walls. They have these because doors are unattractive.
10. Filthy Rich have an entire room for their security system. This is to keep Other People from coming in and seeing their things or, even worse, taking them. It is important to have thousands of flashing red lights because this will intimidate Other People.

So, as you can see, Filthy Rich have many, many things that we Other People might never even dream of. For example:



I am currently thinking about how much I could sell this chandelier for, because I'm hungry and broke. I am so obviously an Other Person.