Lessons for my daughter (on sex)

I’ve been following the debates around funding for Planned Parenthood, abortion rights, and access to family planning. These have me pondering how we think about sex and sexuality in the US. Particularly, I’ve been thinking about how I want my own daughter to think about sex and sexuality when she’s old enough.

My parents did an admirable job teaching me about sex. I remember having “the talk” in my bedroom (I was horrified). As I aged, my Mom talked openly and candidly about her unplanned pregnancy as a high school student and the impacts that it had on her and my Dad’s lives. She also frequently asked me outright if I was sexually active and said that, if I was, she would help me get birth control.

I was so lucky. While getting birth control challenged my immature sense of decorum, I never doubted that I could or should have it. I never had a problem getting the morning after pill on the few occasions that it was necessary. I’m grateful that my parents gave me the confidence and sense of entitlement to take control of my own body, and that my State supported my choices with the necessary resources.

I want my daughter to have the same confidence and sense of entitlement, and the same access to resources. Yet, I want her to have more.

I want her to know that she has power over her own body and that she has choices. I never want her to feel desperate and alone.

With that in mind, these are the lessons I will teach my daughter:

• You are valuable and beloved and no one should ever, ever, ever make you feel otherwise.
• Your body belongs to you and no one else.
• Sex is not disgusting.
• Wanting to have sex is a natural feeling and there is no shame in it.
• Having consensual sex in a safe environment is natural and there is no shame in it.
• If you make a mistake, my heart will break for you, but I will be there for you. Without fail.
• You do not need to be married or even committed to have healthy, enjoyable sex.
• You can say “no”. Say it loudly. Scream it, if necessary.
• You only have one life and one body – enjoy it, but protect it.
• You might want to have sex with men or you might want to have sex with women. Either way, I support and love you.
• You have choices that can help you protect yourself and manage your future. Maybe you will want or need to have an abortion. I will help you navigate those choices without judgement.
• I will fight tirelessly to ensure that you – and even your daughters – always have those choices.
• Please come to me. The situation is not that desperate. You are not alone.

-From a loving (and proudly feminist) mother. 

P.S. Have I missed any crucial lessons?