Spring and the Lies I Tell

Spring is here!!! It's coming and the reason I know is that everything is melting. While I was teaching class last week a huge chunk of ice fell of the roof past the window and crashed to the cement courtyard below. The entire class stopped amid gasps of awe and wonder. A mini avalanche, just for us! Because its spring and because spring is about new beginnings, I have some confessions to get off my chest. The first one is that I hate Askar Akaev. He is a shitty, corrupt president running a farce of a democracy and, also, he has a unibrow. The second one is that I'm beginning to hate my site-mate, Sean. If you read this Sean, that's right, you suck. The third and most heavy confession I have to make is that I have begun telling lies to win arguments. The first occurence was during pre-service training outside of Bishkek. I and volunteer-to-remained-unnamed were having our usual daily fight, this time about Uggs and where they originated. Volunteer-to-remain-unnamed said, "Uggs are from Australia and were originally used as surfing shoes. Sheepskin is an excellent way to warm you feet." Of course, he was right and I knew that he was right. But because I was sick and tired of his rightness, sick and tired of his all-knowingness, sick and tired of the way he pronounced information gleaned from Newsweek and CNN.com as if it were direct information from the head of the KGB himself, I told a lie to make him feel bad. "Oh no, my friend, that's simply not true." The lie spilled out of me like juice out of a ripe pear, "Uggs are from New Zealand where the shepherds created them to keep their feet warm during mid-summer blizzards." "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yes, I'm sure. I looked it up on the internet before I came here." My heart was beating faster from the success of my lie. It was exhilerating! Later, in the privacy of my room, I laughed long and hard - what a stupid lie to tell. But then, last Sunday, I found myself doing it again, this time to win an argument about why the Kyrgyz government paints the bottom half of the city's trees white. "It's to protect against insects," I said, which is true. "I simply don't understand," my friend replied. "In America we have many trees and the bottom halves are never painted white." "That is where you are wrong!" I yelled. "I have SEEN trees painted white in America! In Georgia they paint all the trees white to protect against insects." This is totally untrue. Actually, I don't know, because I have never in my life been to Georgia. I also have no plans to ever find out, I'm simply saying I lied to win and I won. Is this a bad thing? Perhaps I should become a politician. I don't know if I should work on correcting this new habit of mine, or hone it. Which will be better for my future career path? Anyway, I'm going to go outside and enjoy this fresh spring rain. At least its not snow and ice. Bye for now.